40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (July 19, 2025)

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  • 01
    grace @debtbarbie nephew showed me his toys on facetime and i had NO toys to show him back. humiliating. 12:38 AM 7/13/25 • 2M Views 118 27 7K 174K ☐ 2.2K ↑
  • 02
    Angela → @luxangelae i can't get over the fact that this hammerhead shark art is from the 1700's archaeologyart かせ
  • 03
    Arosam! @Sloppy_McNuts I've never used a semicolon with 100% confidence. • 4:07 AM 7/14/25 3.9M Views 582 12K 120K 3K
  • 04
    Interro SSS FEE @Interrobang_2 odysseus asking his men to tie him up so he can hear the sirens' call just because he's curious is one of the realest moves in classic literature. i would definitely also do that. 2:00 AM 7/11/25 2.5M Views • 94 17 9.3K 163K ☐ 8.7K ↑
  • 05
    Manjango Holdings Unlimited LLC @sinklord I had to take a shower with dish soap today like a f ed up baby sea bird DAY
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    Le'Veon Bell @LeVeon Bell every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I'm capable of 8:26 PM 7/11/25 4.2M Views Q 1K 5.8K 84K 1.9K 企
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    mariana @pastapilled told my coworker I had a terrible headache and she replied it's because of the full moon . 5:59 PM 7/12/25 2.6M Views 240 1 6.5K 132K 4.1K ↑
  • 08
    Gold @Alxxszn Nobody gets jobs faster than a person that quits every single job 12:15 PM 7/12/25.7.2M Views • 595 17K 261K ☐ 9.1K 企
  • 09
    ustonymc⭑ @ustonymc On my way to ask the wife what's wrong with her... 3:16 AM 7/13/25 4.1M Views 1.4K 175.9K E 87K ☐ 6.4K ↑
  • 10
    BIG TIMI @fwtimini Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce. 11:00 AM 7/13/25 3.2M Views . 393 1 11K 70K ☐ 3.8K
  • 11
    mariana Z @mariana057 When I was a little kid, I used to think "this little pig went to market," meant it was going shopping! 4:38 PM 7/12/25. 12M Views 5.2K t 12K 287K 7.7K 企
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    ཊལབསརངཧ @David Rudnick i promise you as a child it was like being taken to see the face of god vo@vanillaopinions. 1d the fact that you literally used to have to go to blockbuster in person to rent a movie is shocking • 3:12 PM 7/13/25 1.7M Views . 173 4.5K 58K 878 企
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    Jeremy Clarkson @Jeremy Clarkson People of America. So you know. Half time at a football match is for a pie. Not singing. 4:13 PM 7/13/25 3.8M Views • 1.1K 17 6K 91K 989 ↑
  • 14
    NATIONAL National Park Service @NatlParkService Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don't make it awkward. 11:50 AM 7/10/25 1M Views 441 17 3.6K 40K ☐ 676 ↑
  • 15
    Anne Chovy @AnneChovy2 when something asian becomes popular enough it becomes mexican 1:58 PM 7/13/25 8.9M Views 741 12K 206K ☐ 12K ↑
  • 16
    jerm @jermemiahh get my momma off whatever side of Facebook she on right now 189 M Mom > Lindale, TX Fingers crossed it stays that way but it's running even cooler than before so I'm guessing I've had a very small leak for some time now Today 4:54 PM Have you heard of Young Thug the rapper? He was forced to eat bugs when he was 7. 9:04 PM 7/10/25 1.2M Views 67 17 4.6K Delivered 86K 3K 企
  • 17
    duck @ExtremeBlitz___ when her TV is on HDMI 2 and nothing is plugged into it 11:32 AM 7/13/25 4.1M Views 139 12.9K 72K 4K ↑
  • 18
    Jum @JesterJum If you ever used LimeWire, your knees probably make a sound when you stand up. • 5:28 PM 7/12/25 2.7M Views 2.2K 27 7K 48K ☐ 1K
  • 19
    Gabriel @gbrl_dick took my family to mcdonald's for sunday breakfast and when the car pulls in my two year old immediately goes "daddy we can get two muffins to share". shut up. mum's in the car. you've never been here before. zero by way of discretion 8:22 PM 7/12/25 500K Views . 40 432 28K ☐ 736 ↑
  • 20
    灣 Kurt Steiner @Kurt_Steiner Late stage Civ game irl. Alexander's Cartographer @cartograp.... 1d The Greek Frigate Salamis (F-455) and a reconstructed trireme F455 5:27 PM 7/12/25 1.3M Views 86 11.9K 40K 1.3K ↑
  • 21
    Tom @RealTomH Me hitting the button on my wife's instagram story about about our holiday on which the kids are begging to go home and we're barely speaking . 3:38 PM 7/12/25 844K Views 103 17588 21K 651 企
  • 22
    cafebeef @0xCAFEBEEF the prime minister of poland is living like this? tv on the floor, strawberries in the pasta? bald spot slightly out of frame but you can still see it? O Donald Tusk Smacznego! @donaldtusk⚫ 19h OSHEE Infoss polsat sport
  • 23
    Your Hair Shorter Than Mines @_StillTheShawn Why they got the robot dressed like Adam Sandler Moon Piece @0MoonPiece. 1d This robot being tested in China runs frighteningly well 8:32 PM 7/11/25 4.1M Views Ž
  • 24
    Ryan Briggs @ryancbriggs I asked my wife why she was in private browsing mode on her phone and she explained that Safari only allows 500 tabs in regular mode so she had to switch. You think you know a person • 5:55 AM 7/12/25 305K Views 109 27 448 17K 445 ↑
  • 25
    Kendall Pennington ❤ @Kenny Rose getting in the waymo after 3 drinks and asking the waymo how long its been waymoing 10:50 PM 7/11/25 610K Views 30 1552 17K 375 ↑
  • 26
    Mudrika ❤ @MudrikaKavdia Things water is supposed to give me: -clear skin -weight loss -reduced anxiety -more energy -better memory What I get: -pee 1:36 AM 7/11/25 601K Views 51 4.3K 48K ☐ 6
  • 27
    stoned cold fox @roastmalone_ getting to the airport early is an elite activity. there is no anxiety about making it on time for your flight, the people watching is second to none, there's food and booze and Hudson news selling gummy bears for 3x their usual price 10:22 AM 7/11/25 361K Views 54 1714 11K 253 ↑
  • 28
    AXLE SLADKANA CAMPER 11:00 PM 7/10/25 7.5M Views dinosaur @dinosaurs1969 look at my coworkers dawgg we aint getting done JACKETS OPEN Chan
  • 29
    gilbert @memetazaa if i was married i would create an app that's like tinder but it's just pictures of my wife and i swipe right over and over 2:07 PM 7/14/25 1.2M Views 86 13.5K 78K 2.5K 企
  • 30
    Sulla ✔ @gaulicsmith Millennials use "lol" like STOP at the end of a telegram lol 12:06 PM 6/4/25 3.3M Views 584 16.8K 66K ☐ 2.8K
  • 31
    BuffaloRon @BuffaloRon There is no way a horse drew this. its a photograph. The Figen @TheFigen_.1d A horse-drawn bus from the 1890s 10:38 AM 7/14/25.5.7M Views 1.4K 16K 256K ☐ 4.7K 企
  • 32
    Cynome cynomel muncher @cynomel we should execute the guy who invented the iphone feature that makes your alarm randomly quiet 7:54 AM 7/14/25 2.2M Views • 214 17 3.5K 84K ☐ 2.7K 企
  • 33
    August! ✪ @hoesluvaugust stop giving kids bible names but no bible lessons, moses tried to rob me last night. 9:03 AM 7/14/25.4.1M Views 1K 17 17K 155K ☐ 6.1K
  • 34
    Doc✔ @DocAtCDI Boss: How good are you at Power Point? Me: I Excel at it. Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun? Me: Word. 4:30 PM 7/14/25 345K Views 44 17 708 17K ☐ 313
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    Zabby♡ @Africanzabby 4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. wrap it up • • 3:05 AM 7/14/25 1M Views 193 13.9K 33K ☐ 1.1K
  • 36
    Scott Barber @thescottbarber Must be Protestant AINT PETER'S CHURCH 9:09 PM 7/13/25 350K Views 35 17 588 15K ☐ 395 企
  • 37
    * @reeceollld i want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that i am funny 5:14 AM 7/15/25 2.2M Views 95 5.1K 81K ☐ 3.6K
  • 38
    Brendan Hodges @metaplexmovies soft launching my new girlfriend by having us log the same movies at the same time on letterboxd • 2:04 AM 7/14/25 990K Views 100 17 4K 52K ☐ 1.8K ↑
  • 39
    Kind July Brand Ambassador @NBABabySecret The business I stood on was operating at a loss 11:28 PM 7/12/25 993K Views 36 4.7K 41K 1.9K ↑
  • 40
    Paul Jackson @madebymagnolia So this is how I learned my work calendar wasn't private. Paul, I want to do the product intro to on Friday and on the only good spot for most people you have a blocker called "get a chicken", is that something you could move to join us? 3:01 PM 1/17/23.9.1M Views 535 1 8.9K 152K ☐ 2K ↑
  • 41
    autist @litteralyme0_ ADHD mfs spending the whole day in waiting mode because they have a thing at 5pm 11:15 AM 7/14/25 9.5M Views 796 123K 239K ☐ 14K ↑
  • 42
    RAGU Samantha Ruddy @samlymatters Moms will send texts like "Hey kids! Dad's full body transplant went well thank god We've known about it for months but didn't want to worry you! Also I quit my job and we moved to Florida. Text Aunt Laura for her birthday." • 7:55 PM 7/14/25 1.3M Views 75 1.4K 48K 1.5K ↑
  • 43
    horse dentist @equine_dentist a TSA officer will visually inspect your lobster Live Lobster A live lobster is allowed through security and must be transported in a clear, plastic, spill proof container. A TSA officer will visually inspect your lobster Check with at the checkpoint. We recommend that you contact your airline to determine your airline's policy on traveling with your lobster before arriving at the airport. 12:14 PM 7/15/25 662K Views • 145 17 1K Airline ✓ Yes 22K ☐ 1K ↑
  • 44
    Richard L. Hoitz, Jr. @RLHoitzII Added red pepper flakes to the store bought spaghetti sauce 7:25 PM 7/14/25 2.6M Views ○ 72 [ 3.7K 113K 1.4K

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